Potently Opinionated Thoughts

Cones Should Dominate

Have you ever questioned the idea of “rolling a joint”? There are alternate techniques to the impractical rolling methods the media has forced upon us. I’m sure many of my fellow stoners already have iconic scenes in their minds. An enigmatic main character rolls a perfectly smokable joint. Not everyone is so lucky. Remember “Breaking Bad?” Walter White took forever to roll his joint. He rolls, fails, and re-rolls when a simpler method exists. 

You shove some chronic in the middle of your king size Raw, lick it, and caress it back and forth until you’ve got yourself a pretty hefty gram cannon. This stereotypic roll is ineffective.

A professional rolls great joints. No canoeing, no loss of smoke. Tight enough to get a streamlined high, but wide enough to take monstrous hits.This isn’t easy. But Novices take weeks for their joints to reach their ideal…

AIRFLOW!

“The hit” from a joint is entirely dependent on it’s volumetric flow rate. When you fill a joint with ground weed it leaves behind holes for airflow. Ideally you have several permeable holes from tip to filter that allow for peak airflow velocity through the joint. Reality doesn’t work that nicely though, and you usually get small weed crevices that the smoke creeps through. 

Newcomers tend to roll joints too loose. There’s too many paths for the smoke to travel and the joint has little structural integrity. The result is a frail experience that will last three pulls and fall apart in your hand. A waste of weed… 

A tight joint just burns all the weed into the atmosphere instead of your lungs. There’s no airflow for the smoke to travel. You gotta re-roll the joint like old Mr.White to salvage it.

Why waste time when a superior, easier method exists.

CONES!

Mass joint production already relies on the technology of pre-rolled cones. So why are we stuck in the past? The ground weed can be packed into the joint by creating a cone with the rolling paper. The best part? You can control how tight your joint is with the use of a joint poker, and get the airflow just right. Anyone can pick it up in five minutes.

Here’s what you need:

1. King size papers.1 ½ just doesn’t get the job done.
2. Filter book, premade filters, cardboard, your old homework, basically anything that can be a filter. I clearly don’t judge.
3. A weed poker. A pencil works and is my favorite to use in a pinch. You can also buy some with cool designs.
4. Grinder, or scissors if you’re adventurous and still living in your parents house. 
5. Your favorite chronic, or your friend’s, or your boss’s. Whoever is gonna smoke should contribute. 
6. Lighter, obviously.

Here’s how you do it:

1. Roll your filter, or use the premade ones, however you want.
2. Roll the paper into the filter.
3. Lick the glue.
4. Carefully seal both edges together to make your best cone shape. There are several right answers. No pressure.
5. Stuff ground weed into the joint using a poker. Remember, not too hard, but not too soft.
6. Light it up and share responsibly by making everyone bring their own joint to smoke. Seriously, don’t share weed right now unless you have a death wish.

You could roll ten cones and fill them at your leisure. The cones will be ready to pack before any event. Newcomers won’t have to forgo joints for edibles. Smoke joints instead. They’re way more fun. Try it out for yourself and get back to me. If you agree, enjoy smoking like a royal. If you disagree, what do I know, I’m just a dude living in his parent’s basement.